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Dude, Where's My Country?  By Michael Moore


Extracts only - this material is copyright



Greetings, fellow members of the Coalition of the Willing! Actually, that's only if you're a Brit or an Aussie. If you are Irish or Kiwi or Indian-or a citizen in pretty much any other country on earth who didn't join our little invasion party-well, what the hell's the matter with you? Didn't you know that you're supposed to do what you're told when the world's only superpower barks? We bark, you jump-that's the rule. Didn't Mr. Bush offer you a big enough bribe to sign up and bomb the people of Iraq? Didn't you know that Saddam the Evildoer had weapons of mass destruc­tion? BIG weapons! YES! Scary ones! He ... he ... he could make himself invisible and he had secret evil powers like, he, he, um, he could turn you into a moth! And, and ... he could fly, too! I saw him land on the Empire State Building and he looked like he was going to kill us all!......

Strangely, Tony Blair and John Howard of Australia fell for this monster spook story. I had no idea these otherwise intelligent adult men were such suckers. Or were they? Maybe Bush & Co. just offered them something they couldn't refuse. What was it? It seems these two men, who clearly went against the wishes of the majority of their citizens, have got some 'splainin' to do. Is it too much to dream that by this time next year they won't hear the words "prime" or "minister" precede their own Christian names?

For the millions of us in the USA who are doing our best to stop the Bush regime from menacing anywhere else in the world, it does us no good to have the regimes in London and Canberra  undermining our efforts. Fortunately, those cities and others have recently seen the largest anti-war demonstrations in their history.


When I have traveled overseas recently, people have come up to me and thanked me for "being the only sane American." That compliment is both lovely and frightening-and it's wrong. I can promise you that not all of America has gone insane. Please, never forget this one truth: The majority of Americans did NOT vote for George W. Bush. He is not serving inside the White House at the will of the American people. "The people" here, as I explain later in this book, are actually quite progressive and liberal-it's just that they lack any real, committed liberal leaders. When that gets fixed (hopefully soon), then things will get better. I am here to tell you that I am not alone and that I actually stand smack in the middle of a new American majority. Tens of millions of citizens believe as I believe and vice versa. You just don't hear from them, certainly not in the press. But they are out there-and their anger is brewing just beneath the surface. So, I'll just keep doing my job, trying to drill a few holes so that that anger can burst forth in a geyser of democratic action.


Understandably, the world is freaked out by the behavior of the United States of America. It should be. The crowd in charge here is beyond the pale. All you have to do is ask yourself: if these thugs would steal an election, what else would they do? I'll tell you this much: they'll stop at nothing to destroy anything in their way, especially if they are on their way to making another buck. And they will punish you, ally or no ally, if you do not bend your knee and bow your head as we pass by on our march to the next regime change (preferably in a nation possessing a number of lucrative oil fields, thank you).

All of this will of course lead to their-and our-ruin. I think a slim majority of Americans understands this predicament at some sort of gut level. They are just hopelessly lost, in part because of an enforced ignorance that begins in school where they learn next to nothing about the rest of the world, and continuing through  daily adult life where their media has all but eliminated any foreign news that does not have something to do with the USA. That we know nothing about you should be the scariest thing about us. Most of us can't even locate you on a map (65 per cent of American adults between the ages of 18 and 25 could not find the United Kingdom on the map-all that kissing our ass, Mr. Blair, and we don't even know where the hell your lips are!).



This, I suppose, explains why we have been behaving the way we have. But here's my question: What is your excuse? You know better. You are well read. Your news reports stories beyond the cliffs of Dover or the Opera House in your harbor. You travel. You value education. You have had an ethic in your society which for years said, "We must take care of the sick and the poor and the less fortunate."


So, what has happened? Why do you want to become like us? And why are you joining our nutty "coalitions" to invade coun­tries that we don't have a clue what to do with once we're there? Gee, what empire does that sound like? You (the Brits who are reading this) have already been down this road! You learned some important lessons. You should be sharing those lessons, not repeating them. And while you may say, hey Mike, the majority of us oppose Blair on this nonsense, I have to say to you, with all due respect, why the hell is he still taking his dumps at Number Ten? My God, you actually have a mechanism to remove him - ­elections! We have to wait four years and then we can't even be sure the ballots will be counted. You can force elections right now. But then, of course, you have the same problem the liberal major­ity has in America-who the hell is going to lead you? Where is the alternative? That's what happens when you let your left morph itself into those who have no business calling themselves "Labour." Now, when you go to look for your left-when you need them most-they are nowhere to be found. It's like you took the "u" out of Labour. You should just start spelling it the American way-Labor!-because you have sucked the you right out of it.


Here's some good  news:  as I write this, a new poll in the U.S. reports that for the first time the majority of Americans do not believe Bush should get a second term. This is tremendous news, considering the support he had, at first, for his little war that has now become the never-ending war. See, there is a positive side to our American short attention span and our need to be instantly gratified! Iraq was no Grenada, and now we're bored! We want TV shows with happy endings! Hey, why are they still shooting at us? I wanna go home!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!


But we're not going home and neither are you. Thank you, Mr. Blair. Without you, Bush would have had to invade Iraq alone. But he needed at least one major ally to make it look like it wasn't just the Americans doing the nasty deed. The American people were against going it alone. Once you hopped on board, Bush had the cover he needed. You made that happen. You are the one who gave us the Iraq War. I hold you more responsible for this mess than little Georgie. You see, Georgie is an idiot-but you, sir, are not. You know better. You are an otherwise smart man with a nice smart wife whom I've taken a hankerin' to (but I'll save that for another book). What is your excuse for leading your people into this lunacy? Did you really think that you would get away with it? Your people read! They think! They discuss politics! They know where Iraq is! Did you think you were leading a nation of Americans? It really appears you've gone mad. And then, to have set your dogs on some poor man who was just following his con­science in telling the BBC the truth-how do you sleep at night? All you're missing now is someone to go on stage at the BAFTA awards and say, "Shame on you, Mr. Tony, shame on you!"